Arm chairs with bad legs and poor explanations
Testicle kicking and springboard destruction
Ninja cat can’t catch the wind in his sails
These are a few of my favourite fails…
The beauty of this stunning piece is that you can see the realization of what is to come in his face, just after the first leg breaks. From there, it’s only a matter of time…
I’ve always been confused by this title, since it seems more like this man wins at life than anything else. And so I continue through life, fiercely believing that this is real, and not some variety show fabrication.
Why doesn’t Superman do this to more bad guys? A swift kick to the Jacobs would end even the most powerful supervillain, would it not? In the scientific community, the resultant energy released from such impact is called a class 10 shockwave.
Source video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=desb0W6u80Y
The Sporting Accident
Yes, the man goes flying into a judge’s table. But look at the springboard after he makes initial contact. He just annihilates it.
Source video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtUAMsEPP7w
Kitties Can’t Fly
The timing is perfect. It’s almost as though the cat was moving perfectly in time with the music. This is perfection.What do you think? Leave a comment!
My Dad never quite knows where to look when a camera is pointed at him. Yet, the pictures containing him are among my favourites.
My Dad is 65, and has a modest view of himself. Yet, he can still rock a pair of jeans, even if he does look a little embarrassed when I call him a sexy beast (and mean it).
My Dad sometimes thinks he doesn’t deserve my Mum, but he loves her more than anything in the world, and she loves him every bit as much, because he deserves it.
I’m the first one my Dad calls when he needs technical support, and I’m always happy to hear his voice. For all our past differences, we’re friends, and I love helping him.
I drop in to say hi, and he asks me to swap two DVD players, hooking one up so he can record from a digital channel that only the downstairs TV gets. He sheepishly asks me if I have time. I don’t. But I smile at him and say, “Let’s do it.” My next appointment can wait, because this sweet man needs my help.
Thanks to my Dad, I always remember not to worry about things over which I have no control. I know how to catch a ball, fix things, use power tools, sew a button, and kick ass in a game of Chess. Thanks to him, I’m a perfectionist and I take pride in my work.
When I walk up to him, I look forward to the hug I know will commence shortly. This isn’t some token hug between two people who are trying to be polite. I love this hug. It’s real. It feels as though we’re both trying to make up for all the bad times with each one.
My Dad doesn’t have the best health. When I hug him, I’m scared to squeeze too tightly, for fear that I’ll hurt his back or his shoulder. I probably don’t give him as much credit as I should.
Dad, you have so much knowledge, and you are wise even beyond your already many years. But perhaps what I love most about you is this:
You don’t agree with all of my life choices, and some of them still make you sad, but you respect my decisions. And while I don’t need anyone’s support or approval for much of what I do in my life, it’s nice to know that I still have your support, no matter what happens.
Thanks, Dad. I love you.What do you think? Leave a comment!
If you’ve reached this blog post from a Google search for the phone number 4169153536, please be advised that the call you’ve received is a scam. Read on for details.
I touched on rogue security software in my last post (Digitally Transmitted Diseases 101), but a recent experience made me want to revisit the topic.
A member of my family recently fell prey to one of these programs. Setting aside how the program made its way onto his computer, it happened, and it told him that his computer had fallen victim to over “800 hacks.” Not being very technologically savvy, this scared him, as it’s designed to do. He called a number that was given to him (416 915 3536, which has a Toronto area code), and spoke to someone named Steve Dawson.
Unfortunately, my grandfather was convinced to hand over his credit card information, and grant them remote access to his computer. When he started to realize he may have made a mistake, he told Steve that he would ask his grandson to help him. Steve, in an effort to sound legitimate, encouraged him to have me call them. Here’s how that phone call went:
“Hello, thank you for calling Windows technical support!”
Right away, I can tell that this is not a local call, by how it’s ringing. This is a call that’s being routed to another country altogether.
A lady claiming to be named Lucy picks up the call. She has a thick accent. “Hello, thank you for calling Windows technical support. How may I help you?” There’s a tonne of noise and yelling in the background.
“Good evening. Steve Dawson, please,” I say.
She replies, “Oh, Steve Dawson. Yes.” And then, instead of putting me on hold, she just yells, “STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!”
Very professional. Another guy with a thick accent comes on the line. He says he’s Steve Dawson. I ask him what country he’s in. He says New Jersey, United States. Bullshit.
Two minutes into the conversation, he gives up on the lie that he represents Microsoft technical support. When he realizes that he’s actually speaking to an IT professional, he gives up on the lie that he’s a Microsoft-certified engineer. When my grandfather told him he would ask his grandson to help him, he told him to have his grandson call him. I ask what he thought was going to happen when I did call him. He has no answer.
He starts rambling, and I tell him to stop talking. I spend the next five minutes ripping into him over the phone until he gives up and hangs up, but not before he turns it around and starts calling me a scammer.
Did I expect to get anything out of the conversation? Of course not. But sometimes it’s nice to have someone to yell at – someone who deserves it. And for messing with a kindly elderly man, he deserves it.
That takes care of all my pent up aggression this week. I don’t have an asshole landlady to argue with anymore, so who else am I going to unload on?
What do you do if this happens to you?
If you’ve let it get this far already (as in, they have your credit card number and/or remote access to your computer), the first thing you need to do is cut off their access. It may not be easy for you to shut down your computer properly, so hold the power button for a few seconds to cut power if you need to. The important thing is that their access over the internet be cut immediately.
Call your credit card company and report the fraud. Explain what just happened, and have them reverse any charges made. They’ll cancel your current card, and issue you a new one. If necessary, involve the police, as they can file a police report that forces your credit card company to cancel the fraudulent charge.
If you’ve given them your computer’s password, change it immediately. Think about any other online accounts you may use the same password for, and change those immediately, too. This is especially important if you use that password for your email or any online banking.
Call your nearest IT guy and ask them to help you remove the malicious software from your computer, as well as any remote access software left behind. A scan with your antivirus software is recommended, but you may need a professional to look at it anyway, especially if your antivirus software has been disabled.
The Moral of the Story
Don’t trust software you’ve never seen before if it tells you that your computer is infected. Don’t trust someone who calls you and tells you the same.
And the most important point, something I tell my clients all the time: If you have even the slightest doubt or question about something, call your IT guy. Don’t worry about putting them out. Just remember, a five-minute phone call can save you hours of frustration and embarrassment.
Steve Dawson, whatever your real name is, know this: If I ever meet you in person, your testicles will be introduced to my shoe, post-haste.What do you think? Leave a comment!
These days, more and more people seem to be asking me, “Tristan, I want to become a shark-fighting, syrup-chugging, moose-herding, tree-felling Canadian, too. But first, I’m confused – Can you explain the difference between a virus, a trojan, and spyware?”
You may have read a post I wrote on the digital clap a couple of years ago, Discount Pharmaceuticals – Get ‘em While They’re Hot! Consider this a sequel, if you will. Previously, I offered some helpful tips on protecting yourself online. Now, I’m going to help you understand what you’re protecting yourself against.
Turns out, the digital clap isn’t the only digitally transmitted disease out there. Here’s a brief explanation of the most common types, better known as “malware” (malicious software, get it?).
The Infamous Computer Virus
The virus is so widely known, that people often group all other forms of malware into this one category. However, it’s important to understand that a virus is just one form of malicious software that wants to settle in on your computer.
It’s easy to see why the virus is so widely known, since it’s been around the longest. Before internet use was widespread, viruses were often spread on floppy disks, and other portable media. Today, they most often spread over networks.
They make changes to systems whose results range from simple annoyance to outright destruction of data, and they’re also injected into other files, including Microsoft Word and Excel files.
Since the virus was, essentially, the first form of malware, how do the other forms differ?
The Trojan Horse of Greek mythology seemed, to the inhabitants of the city of Troy, to be a gift. However, concealed inside were enemy soldiers that used it as a ruse to gain entry to the city and destroy it.
Think of a trojan as the software version of that horse – A piece of software designed to seem harmless on the outside, in an attempt to get you to run or install it. Once you do, you’re opening yourself up to attack. Trojans are often used to steal information, or even enable an outside party to gain remote access to your computer. You want that about as much as you want the real clap.
Worms are viruses that spread by any means necessary – Usually, over a network directly, or by harvesting your address book and sending itself to your friends. Trust me, they’ll love you for that.
Spyware and Adware
While not usually as destructive as other forms of malware, spyware isn’t any less dangerous. It’ll sit on your computer, collecting information about your habits on the internet, such as what sites you visit, and send that data elsewhere.
Why is this a problem? It’s a privacy violation. How many other people do you really want aware of that embarrassing Google search you did last week about that rash on your buttocks? And for advertising data, no less?
Adware is designed simply to display advertisements on your computer. And where do you think they get the data to target the ads towards you, personally? Bingo. The most annoying fact about spyware and adware is that it’s often installed with software such as browser toolbars, which many people elect to install themselves. The MyWebSearch toolbar is a perfect example of this.
The Rogue Antivirus Application
Rogue antivirus software likes to get all dressed up for a night on the town. In this case, the “town” is your computer. These tricky bastards are designed to look like legitimate antivirus applications, such as Vipre or (heaven forbid) Norton Antivirus.
What’s funny about these ones is that they actually tell you that you’re infected, in an attempt to get you buy bogus software. Tricky, indeed.
Of course, if they were legitimate, they’d make it easy for you to remove them. Too bad it just isn’t that easy. They often block key programs that would otherwise make stopping or removing them a simple task.
I don’t have to explain this one, do I? It should go without saying that you do not want to enter a password to your bank account on a computer that’s secretly recording every keystroke on your keyboard, and sending that data to someone on the internet.
Last but not least: The Rootkit!
Always save the best for last, right? Just kidding. Seriously.
A rootkit camouflages itself among your computer’s core systems. It integrates itself into a part of your operating system, and hides itself so well that it is often incredibly difficult to detect, much less remove. Of all the forms of malware out there, the rootkit is most often the one that will make your IT guy throw his hands up in defeat, and just wipe a computer entirely.
It’s not that you can’t remove a rootkit, it’s just that in the time it usually takes to make progress against one, you can often just wipe a computer and reinstall its operating system and applications anyway. Removing rootkits usually ends up being a frustrating exercise that can even lead to significant damage to an operating system, anyway.
The More You Know
This topic is one that confuses a lot of people outside the IT industry, but that’s ok. It isn’t your area of expertise, but you want to better understand what threatens your computer, and even your business.1 person has commented. What do you think?
Love can be a tricky thing. It isn’t something that can be measured with any degree of accuracy. It can’t be quantified. There isn’t a machine a doctor can stick you in to tell you if you’re in love or not.
It might surprise you to know how often that question is googled. Then again, given the age we live in, it might not. Nevertheless, people google this a lot.
Lucky for you, you have your friendly neighbourhood syrup-chugging tree-felling shark-fighting Canadian IT guy, who happens to know something
Skynet Google doesn’t.
How many people are making Google their relationship advisor?
Let’s start simple. The exact terms “how do you know when you’re in love” are searched on Google an average of 50,000 times per month. If you combine the numbers for several possible variants of those terms (worded differently, and accounting for silly spelling and grammar mistakes), you have over 225,000 people posing the question to Google every month.
Don’t even get me started on the 301,000 people asking Google “how make girlfriend?” But that’s neither here, nor there…
So how do you know?
Here’s how it happens.
You’re young. You meet someone. You fall head over heels for them. It all happens so fast. They’re all you think about. You could listen to them talk all day. They could do no wrong. You’re in love.
Then it ends. You’re hurt. Some time passes. You question whether you were actually in love at all. Then you meet someone else. You fall for them, but this time, it’s different. You’re more mature. This feels right. You realize that what you felt the first time wasn’t love at all. How could it be? You were young, naive, and a little stupid.
More time passes. You’ve since moved on to someone else. What you begin to feel for them grows, it deepens. The thoughts of love start coursing through your head, once again. Is this the real thing? What about last time? You were so sure. Were you just fooling yourself then, too?
Finally, it hits you: All those times you looked back and thought you were just fooling yourself – you weren’t at all. You weren’t stupid. You were in love. But each time? Yeah, each time.
Because love isn’t the same every time. Because everyone is different, and because love does change as you grow.
The Things Google Can’t Tell You
Google can’t tell you if you’re in love. Neither can a person on Yahoo! Answers, Ask Geeves (am I dating myself here?), or some relationship forum.
Only you know when you’re in love. It’s a feeling inside you that only you can identify, because it’s different from everyone else’s feeling.
Part of growing up is learning to listen to yourself, learning to trust yourself. And when you do finally look back and recognize those feelings you had in your younger self’s gut, you’ll smile and realize that maybe, just maybe…
You had it right the whole time.What do you think? Leave a comment!