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Archive for May, 2012


Zero to Life Lesson in 60 Seconds

Life has taught me a lot of lessons in the last year or two. It isn’t always all shark fights and maple syrup chugging competitions. Some of these revelations come first-hand, while some come from observing others’ successes and failures.

I wrote all of this on the subway in a little black book. One gentleman asked me what I was writing about, so I shared my notes with him. He seemed to appreciate them, and I thought you might, too.

Friendships… GO!

Hello? Yes, this is dog.

Even Dog appreciates the occasional phone call, you know.

People get busy. Growing up and moving forward in life sometimes makes it difficult to keep in contact with everyone you thought you’d never grow apart from. Trust that people understand this, but never shy away from sending someone a quick message or tweet when they pop into your head, to let them know you were thinking of them. You’d be surprised how far 140 characters can go towards making someone’s day.

Even if you’re bad at staying in contact with people, never leave too much time between calls or emails to Mum and Dad. A simple “I love you” will make their day, even if you don’t have time for a proper conversation.

Personal Growth

There’s nothing wrong with eating alone in public. Don’t be afraid to be seen doing so. It doesn’t make you a loser, it just makes you more comfortable with yourself than anyone who wouldn’t dare to dine solo.

Or, you could find another solo diner, and ask to sit with them. Introduce yourself. Be friendly, yet respectful. If they don’t seem opposed to it, strike up a conversation and make a single serving friend. The world is full of interesting people, with interesting lives and interesting perspectives. Get to know a random stranger, and you might just make a real friend. Or, you might just enjoy a pleasant conversation and part ways. Either way, you’ll be better off for it. (Shout out to Jennie “with two N’s and an IE,” a single serving friend I had lunch with today!)

Coconut Helmet is ImpenetrableKeep trying foods you think you hate. Many tastes are acquired, and the ones you despise now may just become your favourites later on. Stop hating on coconuts. Just crack one open, eat it, and then wear the shell as a helmet.

Walk down the street with a smile. Just make yourself smile. Soon, it’ll feel less weird, and you’ll feel happier. People will smile back, too. Once you’ve mastered that, think of funny things while you’re waiting in lines, and laugh out loud. Be that person with the infectious laugh that makes other people laugh, too.

Send people the most random, hilarious messages and pictures you can find. Go out of your way to do it out of nowhere. Bonus points if you make someone laugh in front of a group of people.

Five hundred people around you being convinced of something doesn’t make it true. It is possible for five hundred people to be wrong; They just flock to each other more easily. Prove something to yourself, or prove it wrong to yourself. But if it doesn’t feel right, then go with your gut and walk away.



What the hell is this?

If you think someone is getting over you rather quickly, they probably are. As humans, we’re resilient. We have an amazing ability to pick ourselves up, recover, and move on. So, learn from your experiences, and move on. Get back to yourself, and do something fun. Remember, the best way to move on is to start doing your favourite things again.

Be wary of those who “fall in love” too quickly. It isn’t that you aren’t worth that love, but they’ll probably just “fall in love” with the next person just as quickly. Please note that this is not necessarily always true. You might just be that awesome, and that’s fine!

If you aren’t worth a phone call or a text to someone, they don’t deserve you. Sooner or later, you’ll run into someone who thinks you’re worth a thousand phone calls (or ten thousand texts). Just make sure you put enough into your relationships to actually be worth those calls in the first place. It’s a two-way street.

You’ve probably heard this all before…

Someone should make a coffee table book entitled, “Interesting People of the TTC.” Actually, I’ll make it, so don’t steal my idea. Actually, steal it. I don’t really care. If you made it, I’d still buy a copy, because you’re probably rad.

There are twelve million articles like this on the internet. I know; I took a week off work and counted them (see: Everybody Lies). But this one is mine, and I hope it makes you smile. Or something.


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Today’s To-Do List

Clever as a flock of foxesI found these on the internet. I didn’t come up with them; Although, I wish I had. You see, I’m as clever as a fox. Just one fox, though. Whoever came up with these is as clever as a whole squadron of foxes.

Hive? Murder? Flock? What, exactly, is the correct term for multiple foxes, anyway?

Check It Off

  • Wear a t-shirt that says, “Life.” Hand out lemons on a street corner.
  • Hire two private investigators, and get them to follow each other.
  • Major in philosophy. Ask people why they would like fries with that.
  • Go into a crowded elevator and say, “I bet you’re all wondering why I gathered you here,” with a straight face.
  • Make vanilla pudding, put it in a mayonnaise jar, and eat it in public.
  • Become a teacher. Make a test where every answer is “C.” Enjoy the show.
  • Wait until someone is about to sneeze. Right before they do, loudly scream, “Pika… PIKAAA!”
  • Run into a store and ask what year it is. When someone answers, yell, “It worked!” and run out cheering.
  • Buy a horse, name it “Oscar Takes the Lead,” and enter it in some horse races.
  • Invite someone into your office, turn around in your office chair, and say, “I’ve been expecting you…”
  • Change your name to Simon. Start speaking in the third person.
  • Become a doctor. Change your last name to Acula.
  • Buy a parrot. Teach him to say, “Help! I’ve been turned into a parrot!”
  • Follow joggers around in a car, blasting “Eye of the Tiger” for encouragement.
Ok, so I might need a little longer than a day to get through that list…
What do you think? Leave a comment!

Everybody Lies

Everybody LiesEverybody lies. Everybody, no matter how “good” or “honest” they are.

Our entire society is a fragile house of cards, based on lies. And this works, because society would collapse if, one day, everybody just started being brutally honest with each other.

You walk into the office in the morning and greet your coworkers. Ask Sally how she is, and she’ll probably answer with, “Fine, thanks! You?” She lies. She’s having money problems, her car broke down this morning, and she just broke up with her boyfriend. But she won’t tell you how she’s really feeling, because she doesn’t think you actually care about how she is. “How are you?” is just a question that involuntarily shoots out of our mouths when we greet our fellow man, borne of a need to be polite; A fear of stepping on people’s toes, or making them uncomfortable.

A few days ago, Sally asked her boyfriend if he thought her jeans made her look fat. He thought, for once, that he’d be honest and tell her that they did. He thought he was doing her a favour. Now they’re seeing other people. And one wonders why we lie so often.

We live in a world in which a liar can still be an honest person. Truth is out there, but it’s largely overshadowed by varying degrees of deception.

I’ve been trying to write this last paragraph for two days, and for some reason, I just can’t get it to sound right. So, I’ll just say this: The next time you ask someone how they are, dare to be genuinely interested in their answer.

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