I Can Quit Any Time… I Just Don’t Feel Like It
Lots of things have happened on The Internet since I was last here. Let’s get this rolling with a list:
- I moved to Toronto (in “real life,” not on The Internet).
- I texted a random picture of badgers to an anonymous person (this is known as “bexting”).
- I exploded a waffle cone of ice cream all over my pants (just bear with me here, please).
- My clone chased a flying receipt a block down Bloor Street (it wasn’t me, I swear).
- I had my will broken by a colossal, unbeatable gobstopper (I give up).
The Evidence
Oatmeal says I'm 74% addicted Twitter. How much more addicted than that are you?
My dear brother, Mark, is one of those rare people who aren’t afraid to speak their minds. When he brought up the sheer amount of Twittering I do with some calculations, I’ll admit to having been taken slightly aback. But I truly appreciated what it made me consider. Behold:
- Over the course of three years, I’ve posted nearly 25,000 tweets.
- If you assume it takes one minute to write each tweet, that amounts to 416 solid hours of tweeting.
- If you were to consolidate all that tweeting into one contiguous block of time, you’d be typing tweet after tweet for over 17 days straight.
- This doesn’t even take into account the time spent reading other people’s tweets.
The Defense
True internet addiction can be very debilitating. But using a service like Twitter regularly and making it a part of your life doesn’t necessarily mean you have some sort of sickness or crazy dependency. What about the benefits that such a tool brings?
Making friends. I can say, without hesitation, that I have connected with some of the most interesting people I know through Twitter. I’ve made friends that I can see myself being friends with for years to come. I’ve shared laughs and made great memories with great people who I never would have met, had it not been for Twitter. I wouldn’t give that up for anything – Not even bacon.
Accessing knowledge. Twitter is full of people who are so much smarter than I am. How many times have I had a question about something that I could easily find the answer to with 15 minutes of research, answered in 60 seconds flat by posing a quick question to The Twitterverse? You can ask, answer, and engage; And have fun doing so.
Laughing. There is so much humour on Twitter; So much brilliant wit. There are so many times throughout the week when a tweet will catch my eye, making me stop and laugh out loud. The 140 character limit is really good for a quick joke that will bring a smile to your day.
Expressing thoughts more concisely. Yes, I still have that flair for making short stories ridiculously long. But spending 17 days writing tweets does tend to force you to express your written thoughts more concisely. You’d be amazed at how much better something sounds when written with less words.
I Hate Gobstoppers
It’s true that, from time to time, it’s easy to start tweeting about absolutely inane things that nobody cares about. Case in point: I highly doubt that anyone really gave a crap about the status of that colossal unbeatable gobstopper. But maybe a tweet like that once in a while just makes you a little more human to the majority of your followers, who may never actually get a chance to see your beautiful face in person.
Either way, I’m thankful to Mark for giving me something to think about… And even better, for giving me something write about. Love you, bro.
If you’re on Twitter, come drop me a line. I don’t bite… Unless you’re a gobstopper. Obligatory wink: 
Open Your Heart at Knifepoint
Sometimes, you just really need to read something like this. What would you aspire to do in Julio’s position?
Julio Diaz has a daily routine. Every night, the 31-year-old social worker ends his hour-long subway commute to the Bronx one stop early, just so he can eat at his favorite diner. But one night last month, as Diaz stepped off the No. 6 train and onto a nearly empty platform, his evening took an unexpected turn.
He was walking toward the stairs when a teenage boy approached and pulled out a knife. “He wants my money, so I just gave him my wallet and told him, ‘Here you go,’” Diaz says.
As the teen began to walk away, Diaz told him, “Hey, wait a minute. You forgot something. If you’re going to be robbing people for the rest of the night, you might as well take my coat to keep you warm.”
The would-be robber looked at his would-be victim, “like what’s going on here?” Diaz says. “He asked me, ‘Why are you doing this?’”
Diaz replied: “If you’re willing to risk your freedom for a few dollars, then I guess you must really need the money. I mean, all I wanted to do was get dinner and if you really want to join me… Hey, you’re more than welcome.”
“You know, I just felt maybe he really needs help,” Diaz says. He and the teen went into the diner and sat in a booth.
“The manager comes by, the dishwashers come by, the waiters come by to say hi,” Diaz says. “The kid was like, ‘You know everybody here. Do you own this place?’”
“No, I just eat here a lot,” Diaz told the teen. “He says, ‘But you’re even nice to the dishwasher.’” Diaz replied, “Well, haven’t you been taught you should be nice to everybody?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t think people actually behaved that way,” the teen said. Diaz asked him what he wanted out of life. “He just had almost a sad face,” Diaz says.
The teen couldn’t answer Diaz — or he didn’t want to.
When the bill arrived, Diaz told the teen, “Look, I guess you’re going to have to pay for this bill ‘cause you have my money, and I can’t pay for this. So if you give me my wallet back, I’ll gladly treat you.”
The teen “didn’t even think about it” and returned the wallet, Diaz says. “I gave him $20… I figure maybe it’ll help him. I don’t know.”
Diaz says he asked for something in return — the teen’s knife — “and he gave it to me.”
Afterward, when Diaz told his mother what happened, she said, “You’re the type of kid that if someone asked you for the time, you gave them your watch.”
“I figure, you know, if you treat people right, you can only hope that they treat you right. It’s as simple as it gets in this complicated world.”
What do you think? Leave a comment!Your Life Reloaded
There’s a very interesting trending topic making the rounds through Twitter this week. I noticed it this morning while eating my croissant (baked personally for me by a resident octopus) and drinking my tea (brewed for me by a monocle-wearing shark).
That Trending Topic is #TweetYour16YearOldSelf
For the uninitiated, what is a trending topic on Twitter? Essentially, a trending topic is a word or phrase that has generated a lot of buzz, having been mentioned by a lot of people on Twitter throughout the day. In this case, someone came up with the idea to tweet something they’d like to tell their younger self (perhaps some advice), and after a while, the idea spread like wild fire.
Reading some of the things people would say if they could send a tweet to their younger selves has been interesting, entertaining and thought provoking. But I wasn’t compelled to participate myself until reading a lovely blog post by Chibi Jeebs, in which she highlighted a few things in particular that she would tell a young Chibi.
How rad. Introspection is necessary to improve yourself as a human being, and this trend encourages it. What better way to make yourself a better man or woman in the future than to look to your past? You can’t change the mistakes, but you can learn from them.
What would I say if I could send a tweet to my 16-year-old self?
I wouldn’t stop at just one thing. Here’s what advice I’d give to Bizarro-Tristan:
- Those jeans are far, far too baggy. You look like a clown. Ask Dad to take them in for you.
- Is this what you really want? Or is it what you think everyone else wants? You know what I’m talking about.
- Be patient. You’ll find what you need; Just not yet, and not from who you think right now.
- No one person is ever worth neglecting your true friends for. You need them, and they need you.
- Geeks will be cool in a few years. Seriously.
- That idea you have, that thing that you’re building right now… It’s good! Keep developing it. Don’t let it die.
- You’re going to be stupid and end your friendship with your best friend. But it’s ok; You’ll both smarten up, and your friendship will become stronger than ever.
- Basket weaving is no substitute for calculus, and your high school does not offer such a course.
- Don’t stop writing code.
- Turns out it’s true – Mum and Dad really do know what they’re talking about. Appreciate their wisdom, you dork.
- Invent Twitter.
What if you could do it all again?
What if you could go back to sixteen and do it all again? Or what if you could go back, meet that younger you and guide them through their next few years with the knowledge and wisdom you have now? Would you do it?
Your first instinct may be to say yes. After all, think of how much better your life could be now if you had done a few things a little differently. But would you really be the same person you are today? Are we truly the sum of all our experiences? And if you changed even one of those experiences, what impact would it have on you or your life now? Don’t think about it too hard. I do sometimes, and it leaves my mind feeling like it’s just been smacked in the buttocks with a splintery cricket bat covered with angry fire ants.
But in the end, my answer is no. I made mistakes when I was sixteen. I’ve made mistakes since then. I’m still making them now. I need the experience and the strength I’ve gained from all those past mistakes, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Except maybe a coconut.
8 people have commented. What do you think?Speak Better English Than Us? You’re Hired!
This afternoon, during my normal afternoon routine of shark fighting and ostrich racing (both of which are national sports, here in Canada), I happened upon a rather amusing little job posting on Craigslist.
My curiosity was piqued when Alexander Blom, on Twitter, wrote, “Wow… This job ad came from a Toronto Councillor candidate?” Hook, line and sinker. I had to see what he was talking about, especially given my affinity for Craigslist ads.
I could tell from the tone of Alexander’s tweet that I was in for a treat, but when I started reading the ad placed by Victor Lucero, candidate for the position of City Councillor of Toronto Ward 7, I was appalled. Click the thumbnail to the right to read the original post.
You’re kidding, right?
Don’t misunderstand me. This blog post isn’t meant to be malicious in any way towards Mr. Lucero. But, well, just read that (if you can). You have to wonder if he wrote it himself, and if he didn’t, how hard would it have been to find someone even modestly proficient with the English language to write it for him?
Given the position this man is running for, one would assume that he would prefer to project an image of intelligence and professionalism. Yet, how easily you can ruin someone’s first impression of you with just a single block of spelling and grammatical errors. Don’t even get me started on the punctuation.
I couldn’t resist…
Out of the goodness of my heart (or, maybe, just my burning need to correct people’s grammar), I responded to Mr. Lucero’s ad on Craigslist with an offer of assistance. It was really more for my own sake than for his. And yes, I’m aware that makes me something of an ass.
I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that Victor would take my suggestions under advisement. I mean, I don’t claim to be a master of the English language, but I do know I could do a lot better than that.
I took a quick look a few hours later, to see if the listing was the same, and to my surprise, all of its contents had been dumped, and replaced with my words, verbatim.
I was pleased and disappointed at the same time. Pleased, of course, that someone actually read my email. Disappointed, however, that I saw no message in my inbox thanking me for my help.
A simple “thank you.” Is that too much to ask?
I hadn’t heard about Victor Lucero until today, and I bear no ill will towards him. After all, it’s just a little Craiglist ad. But something like this does tend to make me think less of a person.
First impressions are king. More specifically, the way you interact with and treat others, in whatever capacity, right from the start. Who cares if you’re embarrassed? You’d be surprised what a difference a simple “thank you,” or a short, courteous message, can make.
A little dramatic? Maybe. But sometimes it’s the little things that count, and if I was going to vote for you before, Victor, I wouldn’t now. Oh, and by the way… You’re welcome.
EDIT: I received an email from Mr. Lucero thanking me for my message a few hours after posting this, which is satisfying. However, I feel that the idea behind this post, regarding first impressions and saying thank you, still applies.
1 person has commented. What do you think?Congratulations – You Have 952,127,998 Seconds to Live
What would you do if you knew exactly when you were going to die?
I often joke that if I did (and if it was soon), I would go rob a bank. Just to see if I could pull it off. Get in there, execute my plan, and then… Leave the money. A dead man needs no money. But a (soon to be) dead man invariably feels the need to be remembered after he’s gone. And what better way to accomplish that then to pull off the perfect heist, and not even take anything? That’s the kind of stuff people don’t soon forget.
You can point out all the things wrong with what I just said in a comment to this entry.
A little while ago, I came across a web site that piqued my curiosity: The Death Clock. If only it were that simple – to be able to fill in a few personal details, and learn the scheduled time of my death!
The only time such a big number can seem so small.
As I’m sure you can imagine, I was quite shocked to learn that I wouldn’t make it past 55. To see the supposed year of your death and realize it’s only 30 years away is a little sobering. But 30 years – that’s still a while yet, isn’t it? Think of all you could do in 30 years, all you could accomplish! But then again, think of all you wouldn’t have the time to do in that relatively short amount of time.
Then I made a little discovery. This web site has a little drop-down list labelled, “Mode.” I realized that your selection from either Normal, Pessimistic, Sadistic or Optimistic has a huge bearing on how long it calculates you will live. So I told it I was an optimistic person. Boom. Just added 35 years to my life. Holy crap.
Although a web site can calculate how many caffeinated beverages will kill you, it can’t calculate when you’re going to die. But a site that initially seemed like nothing more than a gimmick suddenly seems like so much more. I’ve always believed in the mind’s power over the body. Why, then, did it take a stupid little form on a web site, and a pop-up telling me when I was going to die, to make me think about it so seriously?
I admit that I’m a cynic, and although I don’t necessarily consider myself a pessimist, I know I used to be far more positive about everything when I was younger. Maybe, sometimes, that was because I was naive. But maybe, sometimes, I had the right idea. In everything that happens in life, there’s a silver lining. Sometimes it’s harder to see, but it’s still there. You just have to look a little harder. Sometimes we get stressed, and sometimes it looks like the odds are stacked against us. But it could always be worse. And (rather unfortunately) there is always going to be someone in the world who has it worse.
Think about it. Count your blessings. Look for the small amount of good in every bad situation, and focus on that. With practice, it’ll become second nature, and I absolutely believe that you will live longer as a result.
Me? Well, I think of what I could do with those extra 35 years, and I want them.
So, a question for you, because I’m still curious. It doesn’t have to be morbid. Let’s just have some fun. If you knew you only had one more year to live, what would you do with your last year?
1 person has commented. What do you think?
