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March 30, 2013

3

I Love You, Dad

Tristan and Joe Cuschieri

<3 you, Dad.

My Dad never quite knows where to look when a camera is pointed at him. Yet, the pictures containing him are among my favourites.

My Dad is 65, and has a modest view of himself. Yet, he can still rock a pair of jeans, even if he does look a little embarrassed when I call him a sexy beast (and mean it).

My Dad sometimes thinks he doesn’t deserve my Mum, but he loves her more than anything in the world, and she loves him every bit as much, because he deserves it.

I’m the first one my Dad calls when he needs technical support, and I’m always happy to hear his voice. For all our past differences, we’re friends, and I love helping him.

I drop in to say hi, and he asks me to swap two DVD players, hooking one up so he can record from a digital channel that only the downstairs TV gets. He sheepishly asks me if I have time. I don’t. But I smile at him and say, “Let’s do it.” My next appointment can wait, because this sweet man needs my help.

Thanks to my Dad, I always remember not to worry about things over which I have no control. I know how to catch a ball, fix things, use power tools, sew a button, and kick ass in a game of Chess. Thanks to him, I’m a perfectionist and I take pride in my work.

When I walk up to him, I look forward to the hug I know will commence shortly. This isn’t some token hug between two people who are trying to be polite. I love this hug. It’s real. It feels as though we’re both trying to make up for all the bad times with each one.

My Dad doesn’t have the best health. When I hug him, I’m scared to squeeze too tightly, for fear that I’ll hurt his back or his shoulder. I probably don’t give him as much credit as I should.

Dad, you have so much knowledge, and you are wise even beyond your already many years. But perhaps what I love most about you is this:

You don’t agree with all of my life choices, and some of them still make you sad, but you respect my decisions. And while I don’t need anyone’s support or approval for much of what I do in my life, it’s nice to know that I still have your support, no matter what happens.

Thanks, Dad. I love you.

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3 Comments Post a comment
  1. Mar 26 2014

    On April 24, 2014 I will not have spoken to my father in 10 years. We have a sad, long history of not connecting for a number of reasons. Early on it was because he was in the Marine Corps and had other members of our family raise me. Then it was the gay thing. I can say without reservation or remorse that do not love him and probably may never have. He is not lovable, Tristan. I envy the love you feel for your father, but it is also like trying to decipher hieroglyphics because the concept and where that kind of love comes from is foreign to me. I am lucky though that I know love from friendships and other family members. And I have my Greg (@entrenous_1974), who makes me wan to be a better person every single day. (I hate that about him.)

    So, yeah, please don’t be creeped out if I respond to some of these. I like your writing.

    Reply
    • Mar 26 2014

      Please don’t ever think I’d be “creeped out” by that. I appreciate the comments. They add perspective. Perspective is always valuable.

      Things weren’t always like this between my dad and me. When I wrote this, I felt I needed to because of how drastically my father has changed in recent years. He’s a completely different man now than he used to be. I grew, and so did he. Although there was once a time when I wouldn’t have called him a friend, now I do gladly.

      Whatever your relationship (or lack thereof) is with your dad, I’m glad that you do have love in your life, Howard. That’s the most important thing, isn’t it?

      Reply

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